headache!
after the retreat, i went home immediately and arranged my stuff coz i wanted to go the mall. well, i was supposed to meet up with sen but he didnt show up. too bad. i was half-expecting him to be there but when i went to xsite, i saw some fleming people and feynmann people. louanne was there and i asked if jansen came, she pointed to justin so i repeated the question again. "wala eh," she said. louanne misheard me pala. hehe!
my head was aching terribly when i went to the mall. justin, marvin and me went to the mantou stall to eat. it lessened the throbbing of my head and it gradually went away. good!
but there're other things bothering me. like.. my feelings for j3. i've been going to festival mall more often now because a) i'm not doing anything and i'd lyk to play in one of the dance machines or eat b) i want to buy something and c) i'm half- expecting j3 to be there. hayay! im trying hard to avoid feeling that again for him. i mean, yeah, i loved him once but.. you know the quote "ang pagmamahal kumukupas ngunit hindi naglalaho"? *in english: love fades but never goes away.. naks! hehe* i still care a lot for him!!! when i became depressed over things, he was the first one to be at my side. he talked to me and said encouraging words.. i felt his presence and his care. he even lent me his comic books which i really like. after that, we became close again and we started hanging out together more. i remember during prom night.. he texted me that i looked beautiful and he wont dance with another girl unless he has danced with me. awww... his first prom and i was his first dance. hehe.
and... just recently he held my hand. i know i shouldnt be making a great deal of this but... i just dont know!!! when i asked him to go with me to buy a blank cd, he suddenly held my left hand and urged me to go inside the store. i was actually surprised because he doesnt hold a girl's hand and i was actually the first one to remove my hand coz.. uhm.. it felt quite not right.. but good. hehe! next one happened at xsite. he sat in the base of the post near the ddr machine and i went up to him to ask what happened to his neck (insect bite but he told me it was a kiss mark... yeah ryt! haha) and started poking the bite. he held my hand and then he looked ate me.. i felt this fuzzy feeling.. and i also felt the warmth of his hand.. waaaaaiiiiii!!!!!!!! (=^.^=) hihi..
im fighting the returning feelings kc baka ako rin ang maging kawawa... yoko na masktan ulit. hay... magnda na ung relationship namin as close friends, ayoko na masira un. although it's okay with him that i had a crush on him and i loved him, well.. i dont want to strain things...
oh yeah, louanne said that nagtaka si justin nung nasabi nya ung pinpsabi ko dapat kay jansen. haha!!!
blueberry had a little lamb last 4/03/2005 03:44:00 PM
